Harry Potter and the Crazy Hyper Kitties
by RuneWitchSakura
Summary: The Harry Potter crew face a new evil. The Crazy Hyper Kitties! From Hell! Will they survive? TV is good for some things. On Hold.
1. Kitties 1, 2, and 4

Chapter 1: Kitties 1, 3, and 4

"You're gonna kill us," Sirius said sadly.

"No, I'm not," Rune said.

"Your kitties will," Remus replied.

"The most dangerous one isn't even here yet," Rune pointed out.

"YAY!" Harry exclaimed while doing a little dance. (Rune: OO)

"You're one of the first to meet her," Rune said.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Harry screams. Rune decides that while Harry is screaming she should do the disclaimer.

"I don't own Harry Potter or any other characters," she says, "I do however own the kitties."

"I'm a kitty," Commando kitty yells. Indian grabs her by the ear.

"Come on Commando," Indian says, "You need to get ready for the chapter."

"They're crazy," Sirius commented.

"And hyper," Rune added, "That's why they're called the CRAZY HYPER KITTIES."

"Ha! Ha! Potter's in this chapter!" Snape laughs.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Harry screams again.

"Rune?"

"Yes, Sirius?"

"Make Snape's chapter hell, please."

"Okay."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Snape screams.

"Remus?" Rune asks.

"Yay," Remus says, knowing what she means.

"How come he gets to do it?" Sirius whines.

"Now on with the chapter," Remus says, smiling stupidly.

Commando Kitty is sitting in the middle of a room. She was wearing a camouflage suit, a hat, and 'cat' tags. She also carried a paintball gun, and filled it with her favorite color paintballs.

"BLUE!" Commando yells at the top of her lungs.

POP!

"Finally!" Commando says. Harry Potter stood at the farthest point away from the door.

"Ummm," was the only thing he said before Commando started laughing maniacally.

"BE BLUE!" Commando yells, while firing paintballs.

"Wait a minute. (paintball hits Harry in the head) Ow. (another hits him in the head) Ouch! (his leg) Stop that! (his arm) OUCH! Sirius! Remus! Help!"

Sirius and Remus Plushies (gotta love 'em) fall from the ceiling and hit him on the head.

Plop. Plop.

Harry picks up the dolls and runs out of the room.

Plop.

Snape Plushie (EWWWWW!) dropped down.

BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!

Snape Plushie was turned into a blue blob. Commando Kitty ran after Harry.

"Why'd you turn me blue?" Snape asked, glaring.

"Sirius took over my keyboard," Rune said, simply. Snape's eyes narrowed.

"How," he asked, still glaring.

"I went to get a drink," Rune said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"You left him unattended?" Snape yelled.

"Snape," Sirius said, "You're a dripping blue blob. Go away."

"Why you piece of-" (Rune: OO)

"REMUS!" Rune yelled, interrupting Snape, "HELP!"

"Now back to the chapter!" Remus says…again. Dé ja vu anyone?

Harry ran down the hallway. He heard the paintball gun being fired eight times.

"I wonder what that was," Sirius Plushie said sarcastically.

"Not now Sirius," Remus Plushie scolds, "Run Harry!" Harry ran straight into another room.

"More evil kitties!" Sirius Plushie yelled.

"RUN!" Remus Plushie yelled.

Harry had (unfortunately for him) run into a room with two kitties, that looked exactly alike, except one had a cardboard knife and the other had a bag.

"Hey, Dice, look," says Cardboard Knife Kitty (a.k.a. Slice Kitty)

"But Slice, we're not supposed to show up until chapter four," says Bag Kitty (a.k.a. Dice Kitty)

"Oh, well," they say together. Slice grabbed his cardboard knife and started chasing Harry around the room.

"Come back, little Gryffindor. I won't hurt you…too much," Slice laughs.

Dice started pelting the Plushies with paper die.

"Run, Remmie, Run!" Sirius Plushie exclaims.

"I am! I am!" Remus Plushie exclaims back, "Where's your club?"

"Oooh!" Sirius Plushie says before pulling a Plushie club from pocket and starts hitting Dice, "Take this, and this, and this." Of course, Dice was too busy pelting paper die at Remus Plushie to notice Sirius Plushie hitting him with a Plushie club. Draco Malfoy runs in.

"Oooh!" Dice says, "More fun!"


	2. Run, Potter, Run!

Chapter 2: Run, Potter, Run!

"I'm in this chapter," Indian screams, then points to Remus, "and I get you next chapter!"

"So do I!" Commando yells.

"Uhhhh…" Remus looks around for help.

"But he gets rescued," Rune says.

"By who," Remus said, after a breath of relief.

"ME!" Sirius yells.

"Why are we worried about next chapter?" Rune asks, "Can we start this one?"

"Yeah," Snape said, "Draco runs off with Potter."

"No, he will not," Lucius said.

"Not that way!" Rune yelled, "They run from the twins."

"Fred and George?" Sirius asked.

"No," Draco said, "Slice and Dice.

"The one you hit with your club," Harry supplied.

"Oh," Sirius said, before pulling the Plushie club out of his pocket grinning, and starting to hit Snape.

"Now wait a minute," Lucius says, "I-"

"That's it!" Rune yells, "Your chapter's hell too!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lucius screams.

"Wait a sec," Draco said, looking worried, "You won't make my chapter hell will you?"

"Be nice to all the Gryffindors and the kitties won't get you that bad.

"Uhhh," Draco said, thinking, "Deal!"

"Can I do it this time?" Sirius asks, using the puppy dog eyes from hell, "PLEASE!"

"Go ahead," Rune sighs.

"Now on with the chapter!" Sirius exclaimed before starting to do a weird dance that only Sirius can do.

Indian kitty was wearing a tan Indian outfit. She had the feather on her head and a plastic hatchet on her belt.

"Ms. Rune, where is he?" she asks the ceiling.

POP.

Draco Malfoy was standing in the middle of the room.

"Oooooh," Indian smiled, "A dumb blonde."

"Hey!" Draco yelled.

Plop.

Lucius Malfoy Plushie (Double Ewwwwww.) fell to the floor.

"My son is not a "dumb blonde". He's a-"

Smack!

Indian hit Lucius Plushie with her hatchet.

Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack!

While Indian Kitty went Smack crazy, Draco ran out of the room. Indian followed him. Draco ran into another room with a kitty hitting two Plushies with paper die and another chasing Harry Potter with a cardboard knife. One of the Plushies was hitting the die-throwing cat.

"Oooh! More fun!" said the dice throwing cat, before it started to pelt Draco with paper die.

"Watch where you aim those things," Draco yelled, before a die hit him on the head, "Ow! (grabs Harry's wrist) Come on Potter!"

Harry scoops up his Plushies and allows himself to be dragged out. They ran into another room. It was dark until they looked up. Two eyes were glowing red.

"Run!" Harry yells.

The two teens ran out of the room. Then came upon a kitchen. It had a table with 8 fold-up chairs around it.

"How many kitties are there?" Sirius Plushie yelled.

"Too many! Run!" Remus Plushie yelled back.

"Wait!" Draco called, "Grab the chairs first!"

"Huh?" the Plushies and Harry were confused.

"I saw it on a muggle tevalision. Some guy hit another guy with a folded up chair," Draco explained.

"You mean wrestling," Harry asked.

"Yeah, that!"

"Okay. By the way, it's called a television," Harry corrected. (Rune: How many of you went back up to see that I made Draco pronounce television wrong?)

"Who cares?" Draco said, "Just grab a chair."

Harry put Siri and Remi Plushies in his pockets, then grabbed a chair. Right on cue Slice and Dice showed up.

"Uh-oh." Slice.

"Chairs." Dice.

"Run?" Slice.

"Yeah." Dice.

Harry and Draco chased Slice and Dice with the chairs until finally…

BAM! BAM!

"OW! MY TAIL!" the two kitties screamed together.

Slice and Dice ran away as fast as they could. Fortunately for them Harry and Draco couldn't run that fast.

"Wait a minute," Draco said, "We're seekers. How can we hit that hard?

"Better not to ask," Harry said.

"It's Fanfiction!" The Plushies yelled.


	3. Remmie's Rescue

I figured out how to get all my stuff off of my backup on Vista (backup was made on XP) so I'm updating everything. This is story number six out of twenty-seven. Only twenty-one more to go.

Nejifanatic101: The extremely scary thing about your review is that Chainsaw Kitty is going to be in this chapter, and I don't remember writing about that one yet. Maybe I did and missed it. Or maybe you're psychic. Not sure which. But Chainsaw Kitty doesn't have a bud lite. Or a working chainsaw for that matter.

Steven Kodaly: Wow, that is morbid. Come to think of it, I could probably use the milk thing, but the kitty it would work on isn't here yet.

Chapter 3: Remmie's Rescue

Sirius looks around in confusion. He looks at Rune.

"Where's Remmie?" he askd.

"Why do you care?" Snape asked.

"Cause I do!" Sirius said, before starting to hit Snape with his club.

Sirius: Where's Remmie?

Rune sighs and says, "Warning: Slight Sirius/Remus slash. Nothing bad. You actually have to squint really really really really hard to see it. In fact, you probably have to be a diehard fangirl/fanboy of the pairing and squint really really really really hard to see it."

Sirius stopped hitting Snape with his plushie club as he caught sight of Remus.

"My Remmie!" he yelled, latching onto the werewolf.

"Siri…can't…breath," Remus struggled to get out.

"Oops, sorry," Sirius said, grinning as he let go.

Snape and Rune looked at Sirius strangely.

"I don't own Harry Potter. JKR does," Rune said

Suddenly Remus disappears.

"Where'd Remmie go?" Sirius demanded.

"He's gone! Yes!" Snape cheered.

Sirius turned into Padfoot, bit Snape's leg, and then ran off to save Remus.

"I guess that means we should start," Rune said.

"Can I do it?" Snape asked.

"NO!" yelled Rune, Sirius, Remus, Harry, Ron, Draco, and Lucius.

"When the hell did the Weasel get here?" Draco asked.

The full moon came out from behind some clouds. Remus transformed into Moony, who then growled at Draco. Draco ran away screaming.

"Now on with the chapter," Rune said.

Commando Kitty and Indian kitty are…for lack of better words…target practicing. Indian is chasing Lucius Plushie (Ewwwww!) around and trying ("Quite successfully," Sirius might add) to bop him on the head. Commando Kitty is shooting at a picture of Snape. ("Nose=Bullseye=25 points, head=4 points, and hair=6 points," Sirius said, grinning widely.)

"Bullseye again!" Commando Kitty yelled. "That's one thousand, eight hundred, and five points!"

"Hair hit 7 times, head hit 2 times, nose hit 70 times," Sirius explained, grinning even wider.

**Pop!**

"Yay!" Commando and Indian Kitties cheered. Remus had appeared.

Indian started chasing Remus around and hitting him with her plastic hatchet while Commando shot paintballs at him.

**BAM! BAM!**

"OW!" Remus yelled, "You're not supposed to fire those at close range!"

**BAM!**

"OW!" Indian whined, "Commando! Don't shoot me!"

"Sorry!" Commando yelled back, continuing to shoot Remus. Padfoot burst into the room through the door and started barking madly.

Indian Kitty ran to hide behind Commando Kitty, who started to shoot Padfoot.

**BAM! BAM!**

Padfoot yelphed as two paintballs hit him.

**Click. Click.**

Commando looked at her paintball gun, then at Padfoot, and said, "Uh-oh."

Padfoot grinned and started to chase Commando and Indian Kitties.

"Run, Indian, Run!" Commando yelled.

"I'm running! I'm running!" Indian yelled back.

Then Indian tripped over her own tail. Commando proceeded to trip over Indian and roll out of the room as an army clad ball of fur. Indian tried to get up and run through the door, but unfortunately she ran straight into the wall. She exited the room and ran after Commando yelling, "GET THE CHAINSAW!"

Padfoot transformed into Sirius and latched onto Remus.

"My Remmie!" Sirius yelled, happily.

"Siri…can't…breathe," Remus said. Sirius let go.

"Oops, sorry," Sirius said, before looking at the door and latching onto Remus again. "AHHHHHHH!"

Remus jumped, looked at the door, and latched onto Sirius. "AHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they screamed together.

Commando and Indian Kitties had returned and they brought with them…

"It's Kitty-zilla!" Remus yelled.

"Damn. That things bigger than me," Sirius said.

"Kitty-zilla" as Remus dubbed her was a humongus cat with a scary haircut and a chainsaw (Rune: It's a chainless chainsaw. You think I'd give a demented kitty a real weapon. I may be insane but I'm not stupid.) Commando pressed the Play button on a tape player Chainsaw noise started as Chainsaw Kitty a.k.a. "Kitty-zilla" pretended to start the chainsaw.

Sirius transformed into Padfoot. The full moon pops out again, and Remus transformed into Moony. Padfoot and Moony did what they do best – chase cats – and they chased the kitties all day long.

"Have fun?" Rune asked.

"Yes," Remus and Sirius said.

"No," said the kitties.

"When do we get the two new Kitties?" Kitty-zilla asked.

"New kitties?" Remus, Sirius, Snape, Harry, Ron, Draco, Lucius, Hermione, Fred, and George yelled, before starting to panic.

"Yes, new kitties," Rune said, "and congratulations to Harry, Draco, Hermione, Ginny, Ron, Sirius, Remus, Narcissa, Severus, Lucius, and Bellatrix! You are all in the running to be the first to meet them!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Yelled all the people mentioned by Rune.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" Rune yelled back.


	4. Dreaded Author's Note

To My Readers:

Yes, the dreaded Author's Note rather than an update. As I'm sure you noticed, I haven't updated any of my stories in well over a year, and several of them in well, several years. **I'm not giving them up, but it has been a long time, so here's the deal.**

I'll be slowly but surely moving them to my livejournal account. mchilz (dot) livejournal (dot) com The link will also be up on my profile. My e-mail is also mchilz (at) hotmail (dot) com. I know I've meant to put that in the latest updates, but well, the updates didn't happen.

This allows for two things:

(**One**) I will be able to keep track of when I've updated any fanfics (with fanfic in the title of the post), and will guilt myself into posting if I don't see one at least every two weeks.

(**Two**) I will be able to edit to my heart's content. I easily fix mistakes that I didn't quite catch the first time proof reading. I can also rewrite most of them. If you've read some of my earlier stories and some of my latest ones, you can tell that my writing style has changed a bit.

I've honestly looked back at some of them and thought, _I wrote this? Seriously?_

As soon as each story is done, it will be moved back over here. Not that I'm taking any of the stories down. The chapters already here will just be replaced. In the newest chapters I will have a note in bold at the top saying 'Read from the beginning'.

As for my livejournal, you'll know you're there when you see 'Random Writings' as the heading with 'MChilz' directly under it. On the left hand column, under the title 'FANFICTION LINKS' will be a link to the master fanfiction post (for everything and for each fandom) for easy access.

I update my livejournal a lot with amusing things that my cat or brother did, spiders scaring the crap out of me, writer's block, and every dream I can remember, quite a few of which will likely get turned into fanfiction themselves. So, you'll definitely want to use the fanfiction master post, so you don't get lost.

I will likely continue my updates at Twisting the Hellmouth, as that has different stories then here, but fanficion and mediaminer will have to wait for updates (I've forgotten my password to mediaminer and fictionesque anyway. So as soon as I figure them out, I'll post a similar note there).

Sincerely,

RuneWitchSakura


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